


Everybody's Looking For Something

by Sapphy, SapphyWatchesYouSleep (Sapphy)



Series: Tumblr Fics [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Clubbing, Daken - Freeform, Holography, Lapdance, M/M, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:23:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2093835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphy/pseuds/Sapphy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphy/pseuds/SapphyWatchesYouSleep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony likes working for Agency X, but if they keep giving him missions like this, he's handing in his notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody's Looking For Something

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt by Spiderminx that got out of hand.

In his reasonably long and extremely varied life, Tony has seen a lot of weird shit. He’s seen velociraptors possessed by symbiotes, and a woman with snakes for hair, and MODOK. But without question Wade Wilson shaking his booty (Wade’s term, Tony would have described it as having some kind of seizure) to the strains of ‘[Don’t Cha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNSxNsr4wmA)’, has got to be the weirdest. This beats even that time he caught Captain America trying on women’s underwear.

“We’re supposed to be keeping a low profile,” he tells Wade, raising his voice to be heard over the music.

Wade grins manically. “We’re in a gay bar, in San Francisco, during pride week,” he points out, far too reasonably for someone who’s had at least eight vividly pink drinks with umbrellas in them. “This is keeping a low profile.”

At least they’ve both got their holographic projectors on. Wade had made him pick first (he’d gone with himself but ten years older) and then spent a ridiculous amount of time deciding on one for himself that he thought looked good with Tony’s. Tony had tried to tell him that they weren’t supposed to be pretending to be a couple, but Wade’s irritatingly sensible response had been to point out that, given his choice of projection, Tony was going to be fighting off young men left right and centre if he didn’t have some arm candy. The form he’d eventually chosen was someone who looks weirdly like a taller less prissy version of Daken, and Tony’s kind of worried about what it says about him that Sandi had agreed they made a very good couple. It’s not like he’s ever even thought Daken was attractive. Much. Not as attractive as Sandi, anyway, and he’s certainly never mooned over him the Bullseye does.

“You don’t look like you’re having fun,” Wade says, gyrating his way over to the sofa Tony’s acquired for himself. “You’ll blow our cover, sitting there all glum. Why don’t you come dance? I bet you’re a great dancer! You must have watched some Michael Jackson videos at some point!”

“I don’t dance,” Tony tells him firmly. He has been known too, on occasion, but only with attractive women he was trying to impress. He doesn’t like dancing, and he especially doesn’t like the idea of dancing with Wade when he’s still wearing his annoyingly good-looking Daken suit.

“You just need to get in the mood,” Wade says, dancing closer. When he’s still and quiet, it’s impossible to tell the buff Asian guy is Wade, but the moment he moves it’s obvious in the way he walks, and that gasoline and gravel voice is unmistakable. (Ines’s description, not Tony’s because despite what certain people have said in the past, Tony is not even slightly queer). “Maybe I can help with that.”

Stupid is obviously catching, (that or he’s had too many umbrella drinks) because it isn’t until Wade is crouching over him, practically in his lap, that he realises what the madman intends. He tries to push him away, but Wade is determined, and sober, and really fucking strong, so he ends up with a lapful of Wade just as the song ends and another starts up, heavier and not at all what Tony expect to be playing in a gay club. (Honestly, he’d been hoping for some 90’s girl bands, but apparently everything in the world is out to get him today, even the music). There’s a lot of leather in the club today, and it starts appearing on the dance floor as the beat thuds.

Wade makes this ridiculous girly little squeaking noise and shouts, “[best lap dance song ever!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUvVdTlA23w)” Tony would disagree, heavy bass tends to give him a headache, but Wade lifts his whole body up (and whatever he might think of the guy, Tony has to admit the strength of his stomach muscles is fucking impressive) and kind of shimmies down Tony’s body, ending up crouched on the floor, back arched and legs spread, and Tony finds words have all deserted him, because _what the fuck?!_

Wade’s kind of… undulating now, and Tony’s been to a few strip joints in his time, and he knows the good stuff when he sees it, and that begs one very major question. When and where and _why the fuck_ had Wade Wilson learned to give a lap dance? He knows better than to ask, is worryingly sure the answer will include Cable, so he keeps his mouth shut and tries to think of a way out of this increasingly disturbing situation.

He can’t just push Wade away, because they’re undercover, and he can’t just ignore him because, well because Wade Wilson is shaking his booty at him and that’s pretty much impossible to ignore. And he can’t stab the guy and pretend he’s passed out from drink, because then they’d have to leave and the queue for this place is stupidly long.

Now Wade’s moving (standing straight now, twisting his hips in time to the deep beat of the music and singing along half under his breath) it’s impossible to ignore who he is. If Tony could just pretend this was just some random guy, and it was all part of his cover, this would be fine. It would still be weird, but it would be bearable weird. But Tony knows the way Wade moves, knows it far too well to ignore, knows the almost feline way his hips move, as though someone’s oiled all his joints, and the power of his leg muscles (he’s been kicked in the face by Wade enough times that he’s never going to forget that). So even when the body gyrating above him (just shy of actually grinding down on his cock) has olive skin and big dark eyes, there’s no way to pretend it’s someone else.

"Wade,” Tony whispers, as loudly as he dares, “fucking stop it. Everyone’s staring.”

"Yeah,” Wade agrees happily, “because I’m hot stuff, and they want some. Face it Tasky, right now all those guys are jealous as all hell of you. I am literally the stuff sweet dreams are made of.” The singer seems to agree, echoing Wade’s sentiments a moment later in a growl that’s disconcertingly like Wade’s.

Wade turns slowly, and bends over him in a move that, were he a woman, would show off his cleavage. As it is, it just serves to remind Tony that no matter how many push ups he does, Wade’s shoulders are still broader than his.

“This is fucking ridiculous, Wade,” Tony says, not so much an attempt at escape, as just a general expression of despair.

“Who am I to disagree?” Wade says, and for a moment Tony thinks he’s agreeing with him, and then he realises Wade’s just singing along to the song, and did it have to be one Wade knows all the words to? He’s not sure why the sound of that voice speaking all the lyrics makes the whole experience so much worse, but it definitely does.

Wade’s actually climbing onto the sofa now, his legs straddling Tony’s, and wow, nearly touching is so five minutes ago, that it definitely Wade’s ass, getting way more friendly with Tony’s crotch than he’s comfortable with, and there’s nothing he can do, and worst of all, Wade’s _really_ good at this.

Tony’s getting hard.

He can feel the blush rising (it irritates him beyond belief that he still blushes at his age, but he never grew out of it like he hoped he would) safely hidden by the hologram, as Wade pushes down against him and grins, a wide terrifying grin that makes Tony want to drown himself because oh god, not only has Wade fucking Wilson made him hard, Wade knows it. Tony is never going to live this down. He’s going to have to move to Australia and…

“Very method,” Wade says. “Didn’t know you were an actor. I guess that total control of your body thing comes in useful for more than just fighting, huh.”

“Yes,” Tony says, far too quickly. “We had to make it look authentic, after all. Anyone could be watching.”

Wade leans backwards until his head is nearly touching the floor, only the hand he’s got on Tony’s arm keeping him from falling. “Like the mark,” he says.

Tony’s head shoot up from where he’d been contemplating the washboard abs the Wade’s hologram has revealed. “Where?”

“By the stripper pole, talking to the barely legal kid with the purple hair and the cute butt,” Wade says, twisting himself back into a sitting position. (It’s got to be the healing factor that gives him the muscle tone, got to be).

Wade leans forward and whispers into Tony’s ear, “kill him without anyone seeing and without leaving this room, and I’ll keep the hologram on when you fuck me later.”

“Why would I want to fuck you, Wilson?” Tony demands as steadily as he can when Wade’s warm weight is pressing against his hard cock.

“Because you’ve been looking at me like you want to eat me all evening,” Wade replies evenly. “Because I’ve been reliably informed that my scars feel amazing, ribbed for your pleasure, and because you’ve never fucked a guy, and you know I won’t tell anyone.” He rocks his hips. “It’s the closest you’ll ever get to actually fucking Daken,” he adds. “I’ll even talk about my daddy issues and stab you afterwards if you want.”

“Promise not to do that, and you’re on,” Tony says. If there’s one thing he’s learnt, in a life filled with crazy things, it’s that it’s best to just roll with them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy this, please do leave a comment, they mean the world to me. This was my first ever attempt at writing Tasky. What did you guys think?


End file.
